Let it go, before it hurts more.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

I'm sorry but this is gonna be an emo and long post.

Bare with me please ):

Endure

I told myself to be strong, I thought I did it but I've still got that lil feeling which I can't let go yet. Advising a friend to forget a person is easy. I decided to break up with him, not because I lost feeling but being betray. I've been tolerating for 2 months. To forget, I tried not to reply him since 23rd July, he stopped texting me on 28th July. I may act like I'm a happy and cheerful person, I'm just hiding it because I don't really like people asking me what happen and so on. Although it was only a half year relationship.

His new girl

He compared me with his current girlfriend, who can sings well, who has a nice body, who is friendly, who knows how to respect, who can study well, who knows how to flirt well, who knows how to give in. In within a month after we broke up, he got her as his girlfr. I knew his girlfr before I went back to Brunei for vacation. We were once friends. We hangout together. Well, I never blame her for anything because if a guy truly loves me, he wouldn't go and look for another hole.

The story where it starts

Somehow, I've predicted something when I first met her. She was my ex boyfr's classmate. Our first met was having steamboat together. She was being bullied by her funny English pronounciation, laughed by everyone. There's one time where they were having a study group. I was there for no reason, just to accompany him. Everyone's late, she arrived and waited for 1hour, but she only blame my ex, I don't understand why. So, he has to cheer her up and ofcourse I'll get envy alittle. I tolerate and kept quiet, act like I've never saw it.

The following meet up was all of them came over to my ex's house, she was the only girl except me. They played mahjong, that curious thing was (I'm sitting beside my ex(left side), she's also sitting beside my ex(right side)! I even saw them chatting every night. My ex kept complaining to her that we quarrel most of the times. She also told my ex that she had the same situation, broke up with her ex. As you know, I'm not a person who likes to rant little matter in public without any proofs. After mahjong, we left his house before 10pm, I accompanied her to cab home because she's a person who afraid of kidnaps all those crimes.

I feel being too kind yet stupid when being betray. I went back to Brunei for a month vacation. After a week, he went out with her without letting me know. Usually when my ex went out, he'll inform me first but this time he went out silently, leaving his MSN online. When I asked where is he, then he told me he's outside. He took photos of the Marina Bay and show it to me. End up, he went out with this girl.. He explained to me that his group friends pangseh him, left him and this girl who came all the way from Johor. This is the second reason why I broke up with him.

The first reason, I still can tolerate. He purposely told me that a girl delivers MacDonald to his house at 9pm. I was wondering, why would he ask a girl to deliver? WHO am I to him? Where are all your brothers? Eventhough I'm in Brunei, I still can do online orders for him isn't it?

After breakups

After breaking up, a day later I stalked his chats by logging in. It was a flirt application, he gave a girl his home address and asked her to come over to sleep. It was close enough, because I replied in the chat, so she never came over to his house. He tried to threaten me on that day, asking me to delete my posts in Facebook.

Insanity

When I'm back to Singapore, ofcourse I'm still missing him because I've been spending almost 24hours with him here.. How can I let go someone in a sudden, who've been with me for so long. I went to his house, sat outside the stairs, crying for maximum 5 hours. Almost everyday. I stopped all these nonsense for after one week. Forced myself to stay strong and forget about it. I pampered myself with new hairstyle, shopping, buy whatever I want since I've been less cabbing home from his house every night, I've been saving alot of money for shopping. Having him as my boyfr is like feeding another person's mouth with my mom's money.

I bought a packet of ciggarette, just to test him whether he'll let me smoke. FYI, I never smoke okay. Not even a sip! I think TWICE. I told him I don't have a lighter, he gave it to me. How nice. End up, all the cigg I gave it to my friend who smokes.

Guess I'll stop here. Don't wish to continue more. I did this post because I saw something which made me pissed, tolerate for days being backstab when I've been quiet all the while.. Kind enough for me not posting about how you treat me as my boyfr.